|Amanda and Eno go to White Castle
||[Aug. 14th, 2004|12:17 am]
|||||Your Eyes : Rent||]|
I had a fun night excluding the possible fact that I've been extremely depressed all freaking day. Anyways, Manda and I just got back from Harold and Kumar go to white kastle. It was interesting, and yes, funny at parts. I laughed quite a bit actually, but it just wasn't as good as dodgeball, no sir!
Anyways, I thought I'd update about one of the things that pissed me off instead of keeping it to myself and Liz and Manda. But thursday Brendon and I went over to this dude Chris's place and he totally creeped me out. Copped a feel and what not. I'm sorry, but I'm just not that type of girl. Then both proceeded to talk about sex (an uncomfortable subject for me, when it's a serious convorsation.) They both tickled me which didn't bother me until Chris's grabbiness started to truly hurt. I have bruises on my knees and my ribs from both poking me to death. He even bit me a couple of times... I can't stand up for myself or fight back. I just make jokes and pretend all is ok until I can go home and curl up in my bed and try to forget about all the things they said.
And you know what, I'm a slow mover, and there's nothing wrong with that. It takes me forever for me to realise I like a guy. So just keep your hat on (you know who you are) I'm totally being a wishy-washy bitch, but I don't know my feelings and I refuse to tell you over the phone. You're my friend and you mean alot more to me then some phone conversation where we can't have eye contact. I need time to think about it all. I hope this doesn't piss you off, but you didn't call back and I have no clue where you are. So here you go.
Saturday I'm going to a doll show and then, most likely going to Tumble Weeds (a cowboy club) with Anna, Brendan, Liz, Tony, maybe Brian and maybe Manda. I don't know what to think about that either. Guys freak me out. I may act like a big talker and hell, even I know I may come off as flirty (but most of the time it's me being a stupid person who needs attention) but I hate dancing with guys... and I hate dancing in general. I'll be the only over-weight girl in the group and... I dunno, I'll just sit in the corner and ignore people and be all withdrawn and shit. Or I'll be totally hyper and piss someone off. Either way I'm screwed. I want to go for the experience... but I dunno. I feel like everyone in that group hates me by now. You know... all the shit I put them through.
I'm so stupid to think the world revolves around me and that people should stop their lives to be with me. But I'm selfish like that. I think most teenagers are... geh, I just don't know what I'm babbling about anymore. I'm upset and I want to get drunk badly even though I know how stupid it is. And I'm just ranting and ranting, which is something I have not done in forever! I need to be hugged and cuddle, cuddled, but in a totally none sexual/relationship way. I just need something stable in my life. Something to trust...
Something to hold on to.